Leaving on a Jet Plane

Dear Rachel,

We survived the holidays and now we're heading out to Virginia to see Shaylyn. Returning to your old house will stir up some memories I'd rather not think about, but I'm anxious to see Shaylyn. It's been almost 8 months.

I can't speak for Rod or Amy, but I thought Christmas went better than I anticipated. Not great, mind you, but not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be.

We spent a lovely evening with Chris, Jen and the girls on Christmas Eve. As I thought, the kids made me laugh and it was very nice to be with family.

Christmas Day was spent with our wonderful friends, Dave & Heidi Schneider. They had quite a houseful, but we knew almost everyone there and had a very nice day. It was the next best thing to being with family.

You were never far from my thoughts during either of these gatherings, but I kept busy and didn't allow myself to start wallowing in grief. As a matter of fact, I spent a good chunk of time both Christmas Eve and Christmas morning baking shortbread cookes and rugelach to deliver to friends the following week. Busy is good.

Amy was here for her visit last week and we had a very nice time with her. Instead of opening our gifts in the morning as we've always done, we did it after dinner the night after she arrived. There were a few times I choked up with emotion over your absence, but for the most part it was enjoyable and we actually found ourselves laughing a couple of times. We were even brave enough to mention your name once or twice and none of us fell apart. At least not on the outside.

Last night I found myself thinking about where I am in this whole grief process. I feel like I'm mentally checking items off a list of "events" to get through in order to move forward with my life. Last month I realized I hadn't "acknowledged" the anniversary of your death on the 28th. I was surprised and a bit sad that I'd forgotten - not you, but rather the significance of the date - but then it's not really a date I want to remember. Anyhow, we've gotten through the six-month anniversary, Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas. We still have your birthday, Rod's, Mother's Day, and the one-year-anniversary to get through. And the trial. 2006 may be a new year, but we still have a lot of hurdles to overcome. I may be doing a lot more baking in the months to come.

I can't wait to kiss your baby tonight.

Love,

Les